The return.

I left Blogger a few moons ago. Mostly to deal with my crap and grow up a bit. It isn't the most glamourous way to spend my time, but it must be done. I'd like to hide behind the fact that I have children that look up to me, the sad reality is that I have to look at myself. Letting go and moving on need to be done. Recently my first ex-husband brought my oldest home. He and his two little girls stayed here, with my husband, myself and our girls. We had a good time, and made a lot of people nervous. We, the husbands and I, stayed up kinda late on Friday and had quite a few beers. I mentioned that I had gone a little crazy trying to clean the house in preparation of his arrival. He asked me why and my hubby rolled his eyes and I prepped myself to give the bullshit answer. Instead, I said, "Because when we were married, you had a serious problem with just about everything I did and the way I cleaned, or didn't clean, our house was one of them." As that sank in, I realized (and said out loud), that maybe I need to start letting go of that crap, and that I have a problem doing that. I got a double yes from the men, and our evening went on. But, something happened in my heart. It was done. I didn't worry about my dishes or the trash or the floors, I just enjoyed the next day, the visit, all of it. It was the first time in many years that I could enjoy giving the gift of a truly blended family to my girls.
My point is that sometimes letting go, or pointing it out and then letting go, is great! It feels good. Many people in the depression and anxiety boat have a truly difficult time doing that. I know I sure as hell do! But I'm getting better, and its happening everyday.
I think I'll come back to this blog, and maybe I'll even share it more. We'll see.