Yesterday we went to a very large local merchants market. I sampled my way through it all. I then took my happy ass to a birthday party and ate fried chicken, cake and some amazing cheese dip thing...yum. I had tator tots on the way home.
I found myself thinking about feeling guilty, but choosing not too. I wasn't binging, I was eating crap. Because the market happens once a year, as does my friends birthday. I was celebrating. I don't eat like that every day, or even every week. It was liberating. And exciting. I don't have to feel bad every time I eat!! Today, I made mostly good choices, and tomorrow, I'll do the same. I think I'm figuring it all out.
I've got three great women taking an interest in my life, in me. They don't know how much they're affecting me, how much they are inspiring me to change. One is opening my mind to simple things, basic things, that I never realized. She says things like, " You can't be anyone but who you are." And she says them during normal conversation, its just how she thinks. I'm not sure I've ever found that kind of acceptance, and had it re-enforced verbally, before.
One woman has been discussing food with me. She's doesn't feed me a line of bullshit, she doesn't tell me I suck, she just tells me to be kind to myself, to enjoy, that I am worth taking care of too.
One woman is teaching my spirit. We go through the physical aspect of a religious teaching, but she never leaves it at that. She goes deeper, to make sure I'm not just memorizing and repeating. Spirituality is about spirit, and she's quick to make sure I am taking care of mine. I've never had anyone to teach how to take care of it before.
Its quite humbling to be part of the lives of these women. I find them all to be wonderfully warm and caring and brilliant and fun and sassy and witty and strong. These are the strongest women I've ever known.
To say I'm grateful is an understatement.
